The hard times are just too long.
The sense of endlessness is the worst. It’s not getting better nor worse. If seeing the dawn of success is impossible, at least let me fall into the darkness of failure.
Isn’t the only thing that doesn’t change is change itself? If everything is changing, now it must be in some kind of balance. Forces from different directions are canceling out each other. There must be a downstream current as strong as my upstream paddling.
It’s changing. It’ll end. I can paddle harder and break it through, or let it wash me away. Even if I keep being stuck in the situation, at least one day the death will arrive.